Who takes the blame for the iPhone’s faults?

Gazillions of gallons of digital ink have been spilled over AT&T’s anemic US cell phone network. The latest comes with a twist. It’s not AT&T’s fault that your iPhone drops calls. It’s the iPhone’s fault. So says Randall Stross in The New York Times.

I LOVE my iPhone. I just wish it were matched with Verizon Wireless, the carrier with the most envied reputation as fast, ubiquitous, reliable, nigh perfect.

That’s hard to argue with. It would be interesting to know how many of Verizon’s customers use 3G, vs. AT&T’s 3G customers, since Verizon does not support the iPhone. Wait. There’s troubled thinking ahead.

One could argue that Verizon’s 3G network is ubiquitous compared to AT&T’s 3G network. I love those coverage maps in Verizon’s television commercials. I’d pay for a photo of AT&T’s executives squirming after wetting their collective pants. Stross seems to make sense:

Consumer Reports has just released its annual survey of cellphone service, and its respondents collectively agree with me about the rankings: AT&T occupies the bottom and Verizon, the top.

Now, this is a survey, not just of iPhone users, but of AT&T’s customers. The contest is not even close. So, why is AT&T’s network service so crummy compared to Verizon?

When I set about looking for independent data, however, to confirm the superior performance of Verizon’s network, I was astonished to discover that I had managed to get things exactly wrong. Despite the well-publicized problems in New York and San Francisco, AT&T seems to have the superior network nationwide.

Does your spidey sense tingle when you read that? Ever alert to bull crap from The New York Times, mine did.

Somehow, in one swell foop, AT&T’s network became the superior network. Or, did it? Hang on. We’re going for a ride in the Bull Crap Taxi™.

And the iPhone itself may not be so great after all. Its design is contributing to performance problems.

If only I could do a Scooby Doo impression, this would be the perfect place. As they say on CNN, What The…? Convoluted logic speed bump ahead. Warning. You may experience retina burn as you visually digest the logic of a seemingly paid hack trolling for hits.

Roger Entner, senior vice president for telecommunications research at Nielsen, said the iPhone’s “air interface,” the electronics in the phone that connect it to the cell towers, had shortcomings “that affect both voice and data.” He said that in the eyes of the consumer, “the iPhone has the nimbus of infallibility, ergo, it’s AT&T’s fault.” AT&T does not publicly defend itself because it will not criticize Apple under any circumstances, he said.

Hmmm. Let me try to digest that. The iPhone causes AT&T’s network problems, and AT&T is too kind and benevolent to criticize Apple. Does that sum it up? Then, why does AT&T have more problems in San Francisco and New York? More iPhones, right? Why are not iPhone users up in arms in, say, Paris, or London, or any of the other 70-something countries where AT&T’s network doesn’t exist? The logic escapes me. Is there anyone with third party, independent testing who can confirm Stross’ accusations?

But Global Wireless Solutions, one of the third-party services that run network tests for the major carriers, shared some of its current findings… The service dispatches drivers across the country with phones and laptops equipped with data cards. They have covered more than three million miles of roads this year, while running almost two million wireless data sessions and placing more than three million voice calls… The results place AT&T’s data network not just on top, but well ahead of everyone else.

Wow. An independent study of various networks throughout the US confirms that AT&T’s network is, well, what exactly? Fastest? Could be. AT&T’s 3G network is touted as faster than Verizon’s 3G network, but I didn’t know that was the issue. Were we not discussing things like dropped calls and coverage? That train of thought left the station and disappeared.

Oh, wait. I see it now. Global Wireless Solutions gets paid by AT&T and not Verizon. That explains a lot. Are there other independent tests which prove the obvious or disprove the obvious?

Root Wireless ran 4.7 million tests on smartphones for each of the four major carriers, spread across seven metropolitan areas: Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles/Orange County, New York, Seattle/Tacoma, the San Francisco Bay Area, and Washington. In every market, AT&T had faster average download speeds and had signal strength of 75 percent or better more frequently than did Verizon.

Again with the faster download speeds. What about plain old logic, Mr. Spock, uh, er, Stross? How do those results reconcile with Consumer Reports, which places AT&T’s network dead last, smelling badly at the bottom of the pile, rather than sitting shiny and clean on top?

I asked Ron Dicklin, chief technology officer at Root Wireless, how these results, showing AT&T as the clear leader, could be reconciled with the negative appraisal of Consumer Reports’ respondents. He explained that his company’s tests of AT&T’s data network were done with handsets other than the iPhone, which does not allow non-Apple programs like his to run in the background.

So, the iPhone was never included in the tests, but was a part of Consumer Report’s survey responses, which include all of AT&T’s customers and phones, and resulted in low scores for AT&T. Boy, Apple iPhone users sure carry a lot of weight. Remember, though, the tests had to do with download speed and signal strength, not actual phone usage, or dropped calls, etc., and no iPhones were harmed during the testing process. Or, even used.

How do you sum up flawed data, flawed analysis, and a flawed conclusion, Mr. Stross?

The data seem incontrovertible: AT&T, while meeting 4,000 percent growth in data use, has acquitted itself quite nicely. But the company is saddled with an awful public image as the perennial laggard.

And it’s the iPhone’s fault that AT&T’s horrible public image, which was horrible before the iPhone was born, remains just as horrible, but AT&T’s customers love the iPhone and use it to the full? And those dropped calls? If it was the iPhone’s fault, and not AT&T’s network, wouldn’t those problems exist in similar numbers on the cell phone networks of 70 other countries? Oh, and why is it that my iPhone works better in some US cities than it does in other US cities? Is my iPhone working OK sometimes, but not at other times; like San Francisco and here in New York?

Hello! Hello? Mr. Stross? Can you hear me now?